Dog, what are you doing in that shopping cart? You’re being awfully rude, the vegetables should be where you’re standing, if they fall down it’s nobody’s fault but yours, silly dog.

Dog, what are you doing eating that chicken? It’s full of seasonings and butter and fat and you’ll just end up upsetting your stomach and puking everywhere, who do you think cleans that up? Me, not you, and that’s kinda rude.

Dog, what are you doing in that stroller? You can’t be that tired, and anyway, you’re a dog, you should be running. And you’re taking advantage of that nice elderly couple, they can’t see that well and probably thought you were their grandchild, you should feel ashamed.

Dog, what are you doing with that lawn mower? Now, you’re trying to be funny aren’t you, you know you’re supposed to poop in grass, not cut it.

Dog, what are you doing in that refrigerator? I need to put food there, or maybe a drink. I know it’s hot outside, but you can’t sit in the refrigerator dog, you’re wasting energy and my drink is warm, thanks.

Dog, what are you doing in that kimono? Granted, the colors are very pretty, but you’ll probably shed and get it all furry, not to mention dirty since you’re laying all over the floor like that, aren’t you supposed to be sitting properly?

Dog, what are you doing sitting at that bar? For one, I don’t think it’s healthy for a dog to be drinking anything other than water, let alone alcohol. And how did you get inside a bar anyway, no shoes, no clothes, no service and if you’re a service dog you shouldn’t be drinking anyway.

Dog, what are you doing drinking from that straw? You’re a dog, taco bell drinks aren’t for you, you should be drinking out of a bowl or something, but I guess I’ll let you slide cuz you’re in a car, dog.

Dog, what are you doing in there? You are not an air bag, you are a dog, so if I get into an accident you won’t deploy like a big balloon and save me, because you’re a dog. If you want to help me, go do a Lassie and get me out of a well.

Dog, what are you doing on those water skis? I think you’re being very irresponsible, that boat is probably going really fast and you’re on those skis, and it’s just silly because you’re a dog and dogs don’t ski, go chase a squirrel or something.

Dog, what are you in that hula outfit? You are not a hula dancer, nor are you in a tropical clime that would allow for such an outfit to be practical. And that coconut bra is not flattering, Dog, sorry.

Dog, what are you doing on that throne in that crown? You are not a king, you can’t rule over provinces or countries or whatever it is that kings do, because you are a dog and dogs cannot be kings. Silly.

Dog, what are you doing on that chair? People need to sit on that chair, how are people supposed to sit on a chair with you in it? They can’t. You are a dog, so go bark at a squirrel, or maybe not because you don’t bark much, I think.